Obituary of Jay Milner
It pains me to admit this, but apparently, I just died! Everyone told me that it would happen one day, but that’s simply something I didn’t want to hear much less experience. FML.
Well, I guess since you’re reading this that means my family decided to post an obituary about my life and since I don’t trust them to write it for me, I guess I’ll tell you a little bit about myself. It all began on September 20, 1978, when I graced this world and my parents Richard Milner and Kathleen Morabito, as their favorite child at Overlook Hospital in Summit, NJ. It was a glorious event and I believe the hospital still celebrates my birth to this day. You can call to schedule walking tours of the labor and delivery department if you wish.
Approximately 8 and a half years later my mother gave birth to my idiot sister April. Relax; it’s a term of endearment, who would later marry my idiot best friend Frank Makowski, also a term of endearment. I should mention that I have saved my sister's life on multiple occasions giving me the nickname “Super Jay”.
Moving on, I had an average 90’s childhood, riding dirt bikes, setting off M80’s, running from cops, and hanging out with friends all hours of the night. Eventually, I had to grow up and get a job after the birth of my son “mini-me” Shane Malecki who is like me in many ways, good looking, funny and talented. I first turned down a job as an Aerospace engineer to work at Budd Van Lines moving furniture for a few years. Then, Steve Jobs called me to join his team at the Apple Corporation but instead, I pursued a career at Lowes stocking shelves in their plumbing department for a while.
Around that time, I started dating Megan Fox, who I would soon leave for the love of my life Kelly Whittaker, and have a long-lasting relationship with her and her children Haakon Spain, Kathleen Wolfe, and Liam Wolfe and care for them as if they were my own. After racing a few seasons with NASCAR, I landed my dream job at PSEG in Plainfield NJ, where I became a mentor to all my Union brothers.
My hobbies in life were riding motorcycles and my extensive gun collection which I’m sure the ATF is inquiring about right now. So, this is probably a good time to apologize to my family for that, but I won’t because you know I’m laughing about it.
Anyway, that’s enough about me. I can honestly say I had a good life and enjoyed spending time with everyone I shared a laugh with. To my family and friends, I just want to let them know that anytime you laugh, I’m with you.
If you want to come hang out, family and friends can come to McCriskin –Gustafson Home for Funerals, 2425 Plainfield Avenue, South Plainfield, NJ, on Sunday, July 14, 2024, from 12 PM – 3 PM for a memorial gathering.